Chapter I.

I had noticed for some time that Josiah Allen had acted queer. He would seem lost in thought anon or oftener, and then seemin'ly roust himself up and try to act natural.

And anon he would drag his old tin chest out from under the back stairway and pour over musty old deeds and papers, drawed up by his great-grandpa mebby.

He did this last act so often that I said to him one day,"What under the sun do you find in them yeller old papers to attract you so, Josiah?"

But he looked queer at me, queer as a dog, as if he wuz lookin'through me to some distant view that interested him dretfully, and answered evasive, and mebby he wouldn't answer at all.

And then I'd see him and Uncle Sime Bentley, his particular chum, with their heads clost together, seemin'ly plottin'sunthin'or ruther, though what it wuz I couldn't imagine.

And then they would bend their heads eagerly over the daily papers, and more'n once Josiah got down our old Olney's Atlas and he and Uncle Sime would pour over it and whisper, though what it wuz about I couldn't imagine. And if I'd had the curosity of some wimmen it would drove me into a caniption fit.

And more'n a dozen times I see him and Uncle Sime down by the back paster on the creek pacin'to and fro as if they wuz measurin'land. And most of all they seemed to be measurin'off solemn like and important the lane from the creek lot up to the house and takin'measurements, as queer lookin'sights as I ever see, and then they would consult the papers and atlas agin, and whisper and act.

And about this time he begun to talk to me about the St. Louis Exposition. He opened the subject one day by remarkin'that he spozed I had never hearn of the Louisana Purchase. He said that the minds of females in their leisure hours bein'took up by more frivolous things, such as tattin'and crazy bed-quilts, he spozed that I, bein'a female woman, had never hearn on't.

And my mind bein'at that time took up in startin'the seams in a blue and white sock I wuz knittin'for him, didn't reply, and he went on and talked and talked about it.

But good land! I knowed all about the Louisana Purchase; I knowed it come into our hands in 1803, that immense tract of land, settlin'forever in our favor the war for supremacy on this continent between ourselves and England, and givin'us the broad highway of the Mississippi to sail to and fro on which had been denied us, besides the enormous future increase in our wealth and population.

I knowed that between 1700 and 1800 this tract wuz tossted back and forth between France and Spain and England some as if it wuz a immense atlas containing pictured earth and sea instead of the real land and water.

It passed backwards and forwards through the century till 1803 when it bein'at the time in the hands of France, we bought it of Napoleon Bonaparte who had got possession of it a few years before, and Heaven only knows what ambitious dreams of foundin'a new empire in a new France filled that powerful brain, under that queer three-cornered hat of hisen when he got it of Spain.

But'tennyrate he sold it in 1803 to our country, the writin's bein'drawed up by Thomas Jefferson, namesake of our own Thomas Jefferson, Josiah's child by his first wife. Napoleon, or I spoze it would sound more respectful to call him Mr. Bonaparte, he wanted money bad, and he didn't want England to git ahead, and so he sold it to us.

He acted some as Miss Bobbett did when she sot up her niece, Mahala Hen, in dressmakin'for fear Miss Henzy's girl would git all the custom and git rich. She'd had words with Miss Henzy and wanted to bring down her pride. And we bein'some like Miss Hen in sperit (she had had trouble with Miss Henzy herself, and wuz dretful glad to have Mahala sot up), we wuz more'n willin'to buy it of Mr. Bonaparte. You know he didn't like England, he had had words with her, and almost come to hands and blows, and it did come to that twelve years afterwards.

But poor creeter! I never felt like makin'light of his reverses, for do not we, poor mortals! have to face our Waterloo some time durin'our lives, when we have fought the battle and lost, when the ground is covered with slain Hopes, Ambition, Happiness, when the music is stilled, the stringed instruments and drums broken to pieces, or givin'out only wailin'accompaniments to the groans and cries of the dyin'layin'low in the dust.

We marched onward in the mornin'mebby with flyin'colors towards

Victory, with gaily flutterin'banners and glorious music. Then come the

Inevitable to crush us, and though we might not be doomed to a desert

island in body, yet our souls dwell there for quite a spell.

Till mebby we learn to pick up what is left of value on the lost field, try to mend the old instruments that never sound as they did before. Sew with tremblin'fingers the rents in the old tattered banners which Hope never carries agin with so high a head, and fall into the ranks and march forward with slower, more weary steps and our sad eyes bent toward the settin'sun.

But to stop eppisodin'and resoom. I had hearn all about how it wuz bought and how like every new discovery, or man or woman worth while, the Purchase had to meet opposition and ridicule, though some prophetic souls, like Thomas Jefferson, Mr. Livingstone and others, seemed to look forward through the mists of the future and see fertile fields and stately cities filled with crowds of prosperous citizens, where wuz then almost impassable swamps and forests inhabited by whoopin'savages.

And Mr. Bonaparte himself, let us not forgit in this proud year of fulfilled hopes and achievement and progress how he always seemed to set store by us and his words wuz prophetic of our nation's glorious destiny.

I had knowed all about this but Josiah seemed to delight to instruct me as carefully as a mother would guide a prattlin'child jest beginnin'to walk on its little feet. And some times I would resent it, and some times when I wuz real good natured, for every human bein'no matter how high principled, has ebbs and flows in their moral temperatures, some times I would let him instruct me and take it meekly like a child learnin'its A-B abs.

But to resoom. Day by day Josiah's strange actions continued, and at intervals growin'still more and more frequent and continuous he acted, till at last the truth oozed out of him like water out of a tub that has been filled too full, it wuz after an extra good meal that he confided in me.

He said the big celebration of the Louisana Purchase had set him to thinkin'and he'd investigated his own private affairs and had discovered important facts that had made him feel that he too must make a celebration of the Purchase of the Allen Homestead.

"On which we are now dwellin', Samantha,"sez he."Seventy-four acres more or less runnin'up to a stake and back agin, to wit, as the paper sez."

Sez I,"You needn't talk like a lawyer to me, Josiah Allen, but tell me plain as a man and a deacon what you mean."

"We ll, I'm tellin'you, hain't I, fast as I can? I've found out by my own deep research (the tin trunk wuzn't more'n a foot deep but I didn't throw the trunk in his face), I've discovered this remarkable fact that this farm the very year of the Louisana Purchase came into the Allen family by purchase. My great-great-grandfather, Hatevil Allen, bought it of Ohbejoyful Gowdey, and the papers wuz signed the very day the other momentous purchase wuz made.

"The re wuz fourteen children in the family of old Hatevil, jest as many as there is States in the purchase they are celebratin'to St. Louis.

"And another wonderful fact old Hatevil Allen paid jest the same amount for this farm that our Government paid for the Louisiana Purchase."

"Do you mean to tell me, Josiah, that Hatevil Allen paid fifteen millions for this farm. Will you tell me that? You, a member of the meetin'house and a deacon?"

"We ll, what you might call the same, it is the same figgers with the six orts left out. Great-granther Allen paid fifteen dollars for this piece of land, it wuz all woods then."

"Another of these most remarkable series of incidents that have ever took place on this continent, Thomas Jefferson wuz a main actor in the Louisana Purchase. He has left this spear some years ago, and who, who is the father of Thomas Jefferson to-day?"

I didn't say nothin', for I wuz engrossed in my knittin', I wuz jest turnin'the heel of his sock and needed my hull mind.

"And,"sez he, smitin'his breast agin,"I ask you, Samantha, who is the father of Thomas Jefferson to-day?"

I had by this time turned the heel and I sez,"Why, I spoze he's got the same father now he always had, children don't change their fathers very often as a general thing."

"We ll, you needn't be so grumpy about it. Don't you see that these wonderful coincidences are enough to apall a light-minded person. Why, I, even I with my cast iron strength of mind, have almost felt my brain stagger and reel as I onraveled the momentous affair.

"And I am plannin'a celebration, Samantha, that will hist up the name of Allen where it ort to be onto the very top of Fame's towerin'pillow, and keep it in everlastin'remembrance.

"And I, Samantha,"and here he smote himself agin in the breast,"I,

Josiah Allen, havin'exposed these circumstances, the most remarkable in

American history, I lay out to name my show the Exposition of Josiah

Allen. And I've thought some times that in order to mate mine with the

St. Louis show, as you may say, I'd mebby ort to call myself St.

Josiah."

"Saint Josiah!"sez I, and my axent wuz that icy cold that he shivered imperceptibly and added hastily,"We ll, we will leave that to the future to decide."

"But,"sez he firmly, spruntin'up agin,"if the nation calls on me to name myself thus I shall respond, and expose myself at my Exposition as Saint Josiah."

Sez I anxiously,"I wouldn't expose myself too much, Josiah. You remember the pa that took his weak-minded child to the ball, and told him to set still and not speak or they would find him out.

"And they asked him question after question and he didn't say a word, and finally they begun to scoff at him and told him he wuz a fool, and he called out,'Father, father, they've found me out.'"

Josiah sez snappishly,"What you mean by bringin'that old chestnut up I cant see."

"We ll,"sez I,"I shan't sew the moral on any tighter."But he kep'on ignorin'my sarcastick allusion.

"To keep up the train of almost miraclous incidents marchin'along through the past connecting the St. Louis and the Allen Purchase like historical twins, I'm goin'to spend on the Exposition of Josiah Allen jest the amount paid for the other original purchase, and I may, for there is no tellin'what a Allen may do when his blood is rousted up, I may swing right out and pay jest the same amount St. Louis is payin'for her Exposition."

"Fifty millions!"sez I with emotions of or—or to think I had a pardner that would tell such a gigantic falsehood, and instinctively I thought of a story I'd hearn Thomas Jefferson tell the evenin'before.

He said three commercial travelers wuz talkin'before an old man from the country whose loose fittin'clothes were gently scattered with hay-seed. The first one told with minute particulars of a We stern cyclone that had lifted a house and sot it down in a neighborin'township. The next one said that he wuz knowin'to the circumstances and how the cyclone swep back and brought the suller and sot it down under the house. And the third one remembered vividly how the cyclone went back the second time and brought the hole the suller left and distributed it round under the new site.

The old man listened with deep interest, and said he wuz glad he'd had the privelige of hearin''em, for their talk had cleared up a Bible verse he'd long pondered over.

They wuz astounded to think their talk had awakened religious meditations. But the old gentleman said their conversation had cleared up that passage where it said:

"Annanias come forth."

He said it wuz now plain to him that it meant that these three drummers should stand before Annanias, the Prince of Liars, he takin'his place behind'em, the fourth in the rank of liars.

But this is neither here or there I only mention it as comin'into my mind instinctively and onbeknown to myself as I hearn Josiah Allen's remark, it came and went, as thoughts will, like a lightning flash, even as I wuz repeatin'the words agin in wonderment and horrow.

"Fifty million dollars!"

"No, I said to you, Samantha, that in our conversation we would leave out the orts, fifty dollars wuz what I meant. But as I said this is what I've thought when my brain wuz fired with ambition and glory of histin'the name of Allen up where it ort to be and will be. But when my blood has quieted down and I took a dispassionate view of the affair I have thought it would be more in keepin'with the old traditions of the Allen family, to spend jest fifteen, I can do a noble job with Uncle Sime's help and Ury's, with exactly the same sum that wuz paid for these purchases."

I see he wuz jest bound to ignore the millions. But I knowed it wouldn't do any good to keep twittin'him of it. And then he went on to describe more fully the Exposition of Josiah Allen that he'd been plottin'for weeks and weeks. He said that he and uncle Sime had used up two hull pads of writin'paper at a cost of five cents each, plannin'and figurin'. But he didn't begrech the outlay, he said. He wuz layin'out to have the lower paster used as a tentin'ground for the hull Allen race, and the Gowdeys if he decided they wuz worthy to jine in, he hadn't settled on that yet. The cow paster wuz to be used for Equinomical and Agricultural displays and also Peaceful Industries and Inventions, and the lane leadin'up to the barn from the lower paster he laid out to use as a Pike for all sorts of amusements, pitchin'quaits, bull-in-the-barnyard, turnin'hand-springs and summer sets, etc., etc.

Sez I coldly,"It would draw quite a crowd to see you and Deacon Gowdey standin'on your two old bald heads turnin'a summer set."

"Oh, I laid out to have younger people in such thrillin'seens, Ury and others."And then he went on to describe at length his Peaceful Industry Show.

I couldn't sot still to hear it only I felt I wanted to know the worst and cope with it as a surgeon probes to the quick in order to cure.

He thought he could git Aunt Huldy Wood, who wove carpets, to set up her loom for a few days under the big but-nut tree, and be weavin'there before the crowds. He said she wuz a peaceful old critter and would show off well in it. And Bildad Shoecraft, another good-natured creeter, he could bring his shoe-making bench and be tappin'boots. He could not only show off but make money at the same time, for he spozed that many a boot would be wore down to the quick walkin'round viewin'the attractions. And Blandina Teeter he spozed she could run my sewin'machine under the sugar maple. And he thought mebby I would set out under the slippery ellum makin'ginger cookies or fryin'nut-cakes, in either capacity he said I wuz a study for an Artist and would draw crowds.